March 2012
49 posts
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so yeah.
mom: do you hear a ticking sound?
me: that's just the bomb i put in your chair. don't give it another thought.
mom: why would you put a bomb in your mother's chair?
me: i got bored. you remember, when i'm bored i get in shit?
mom: *****, do i remember.
February 2012
28 posts
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melkytuesday asked: I'm so proud of all these huge changes you've made. It takes a lot of courage to do what you've done and that is no small thing. Keep swingin' big guy. :)
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i dreamt i had bone cancer. residual stress over waiting for my test results.
as soon as i found out i started a tumblr campaign to guilt leica into giving me an M9 for the remainder of my short painful existence.
and had a really painful dream talk with an old lover telling her i was dying.
it was some bleak shit.
on the plus side, pretty much anything they tell me on monday will beat...
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my friend/ex-friend, model/ex-model read the post yesterday and we talked some more. I don’t know if it helped but i did offer her a chance to share her feelings here by way of emailing me a post i would post unedited if she wanted.
i realize that it wasn’t entirely fair because i’m not her, or a model, or relying on my physical appearance for my living. i’d love to hear...
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it’s time to finally get the tv up so i can watch the wire instead of sitting watching the bachelor with my folks.
the bachelor.
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on the car i have borrowed (it's metallic orange)
mom: that sure is an ugly colour on that car.
me: i don't mind it, and jeff liked it.
mom: well, it's pretty ugly.
dad: it's not a canadian colour that's for sure.
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dad: what lights do you want left on (as he climbs the stairs to go to bed)
me: none. g'nite.
dad: why is he sitting down in the dark on his computer (to my mom).
mom: if that's what he want's to do, let him.
dad: i just don't see... [trails off]
haha.
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dear internet love of mine. i promise promise promise to write you a sprawling, heart wrenching tale of the past couple weeks which have upended my entire life… tomorrow.
i swear.
love ruzz.
big update coming if i ever get a pain free and things to do free moment at the same time.
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i was downtown today for some shitty business but i brought my cameras and held up my mom at every corner taking pictures. my heart was filling.
then we got a flat and had to hold up three hours waiting so i dragged her into the mall where all manner of kooky people were doing all manner of kook. my heart was full.
it felt beyond great to be back out on the street after such a hard week. the...
continued..
heyrrrabbit:
ruzzdotorg:
people have often suggested i go on anti depressants. my sister did and a few years later shes moved into a huge house. has new cars. and is living in the adult world as a regular person. she managed to normalize her moods and keep going in the same direction long enough to get credit and get acceptance into the mainstream. it can be done and i’m proud of her hard work...
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i wanna say this about the massive wall of judgements that keep coming at me from every angle because i want to be crystal fucking clear and on the record about how i feel.
i try really hard to be understanding with people. i try really hard to give people room to be themselves because i need that same thing back from them. i’ve kept friends, lovers, business partners well past when it...
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