woke up quiet and alone. feel i can’t muster any more and the mustering has just begun.
my life is less for not having you in it.
i want to talk less but say more. i want to let go of the people i know who only like to watch their own reflection when looking in my eyes. i want to give more fully. but not to just anyone looking for a distraction from themselves.
i want to judge you less but you make it so hard.
i want to feel the core of me bounded and defined against the cold black earth.
i want to let go but in certainty my feet wont leave the ground. i look over glass walls and watch the ground spin four stories below. i’m weak. and sorry.
Tar Sands Blockade published new videos today (4/7) showing oil from the Arkansas pipeline rupture diverted from a residential neighborhood into a wetland area to keep it out sight and, most importantly, out of the media & public view.
April 7, 2013While it’s not clear if the oil was intentionally moved into the wetland, the company says it is cleaning pavement with power washing devices, which could cause some of the oil to be pushed off neighborhood streets and into other areas.
Activists also interviewed a local resident who claimed the oil has continued “flowing” into Lake Conway since the spill happened.
“I don’t have allergies,” the man said. “But now my sinuses are bothering me. My throat’s bothering me. My eyes water constantly. But Exxon acts like nothing’s wrong. They don’t have to live here, we do. And we’re not moving just because of them.”
The activists noted that they were turned away from the area several times before by police and Exxon spill cleanup workers, but they returned on Saturday just before sundown and managed to sneak in to capture footage of the oiled wetlands. In two separate videos, nearby residents say they’ve been made sick by the spill, which has tremendously affected their air quality.
This footage has largely remained out of the media due to the lockdown that’s descended upon Mayflower nearly a week since the spill. Reporters touring the damage with Arkansas Attorney General Dustin McDaniel were allegedly turned away by Exxon workers. One journalist, Inside Climate News’s Susan White, was even threatened with arrest when she asked a question of Exxon’s “public affairs” desk inside the spill cleanup command center. The company has also secured a no-fly zone over the spill area.
Video of Lake Conway’s wetlands shows thousands of what Exxon called “absorbent pads” — which appear to be nothing more than paper towels — littering the blackened landscape as thick, soupy crude bubbles across the water’s surface. The company insists that air quality in the affected region is being measured by the Environmental Protection Agency, and that tests show “levels that are either non-detect or that are below any necessary action levels.” Exxon also says that the area’s drinking water remains unaffected.
A phone number given by Exxon to reach the company’s “downstream media relations” team did not appear to be correct, and a spokesperson was not available for comment.
Don’t let Exxon sweep this thing under the rug! Share this now, far & wide, with everybody you know! We cannot allow these corporate-committed environmental tragedies to continue to claim people, land & our future as victims in the wealth-owning, corporate elite’s illogical profit-making endeavors.
come on smfh
(via infectioushumanwaste)
a simple reminder
I may have said all this before in one way or another so this is a reminder.
don’t let people who treat you like you’re disposable have any purchase in your world. don’t let those people who turn you on and off entirely based on their whims, waning cowardice or waxing courage, have a say in how you feel. they’ll always turn you off when it’s not convenient for them anymore.
don’t let folks, no matter how much you might like them, use you as a play thing when they are bored because something more interesting or less scary will come along and they’ll be in the wind along with some of your esteem.
don’t trust people who are fundamentally unhappy near your heart. any part of your heart at all. they will take wild swings at the fences to assuage that deep unhappiness and plodding misery and there’s no predicting where you end up.
don’t let people with a history of running if things get the slightest bit intense get close enough to do you any harm when they do run. they always run in the end.
and most of all don’t risk your happiness on a wing and a prayer unless you know you’re the sort of person who can say “well, i gave an honest effort and it didn’t work out” then pick yourself up and dust yourself off and move on.
people are hell, but most of it we bring on ourselves by pretending they’re people they’re not.
My print store has been open now for one whole week!
It will close for good at the end of the month, so why don’t you head over and check it out?
i want to walk my feet off. clean off to bloody stumps and aching hips. i am out pushing through the afterbirth of fall. leaves and dying plants and cold north winds. it’s nearly sunset the light is sharp and hard, following me. i feel life rush in and then out of my lungs. full. cold. burning lungs. i’m alone with my music and the steady rhythm of feet on the ground and i want to never want anymore. i want to just keep going and going.
sometimes you have to round the longer corners in silence.
tiny muscles fill with fresh born aches. ligament, tendon & atrophied muscle scream to life in protest against honest efforts to break this body against another. another fall covers all we do in a yellow-red skein like old film or afterbirth. popular leaves begin their leaving, heavy, as rains spill, driving flies to screens where they make patterns of black against sky & wait patient for clear autumn flight paths. i watch everything like it’s my first time, or my last.
destroy your self. find out what’s possible without all that ugly intention.
You will fail as a rugged individual, you will survive as a member of a tribe or family.
Your dying in minuscule increments. Your Heart grows colder, weaker. The fight lays before you, taunts you. You’ll chase the smoke right up to the fire, but will you let it burn you, outlive you, overcome you? you should know by now that thinking about burning is not burning. That weighing and measuring is not abandon. That talking is no more doing than watching is being. This is not metaphor, its life.
When trying to make something beautiful you have to be willing to work through uncertainty.. And willing to “waste” your efforts on what might be nothing but a learning experience. You have to let go of control.
our fears are so many and so lofty we wish to put them down just a moment. we wish to stand straight-backed and raise our arms and feel their lightness. to stretch muscles balled and knotted free of their terrible wait; they wait for nothingness. we wish to see what might sit up above our normal eye-line. pick at this or that which always exceeded our reach. to set down these load-stones crafted of tear, and wail and terror. first, we must let important parts come undone from the bindings. this we’re sure will be too pain-filled. to awful. the tearing of old skin and scar wrapped and bound, come cord and muscle. we lift our fear with our fear. we are human reflex to the awesomeness of truths we cannot bear. we stand immobile, unfeeling and unable to decide what’s us and what all we carry but cannot put down.
you want to fall apart. to stop being the switch that keeps humming through the night routing every-thing. let all those ones & zeros go. let them become dark analog night. you want to be free to fuck up. ruin shit. make mistakes. follow your heart into the darkness & cut everyone who comes close with your terror & ugly weakness. you want to be free of your mind. your need. your want. you want to be free of your want. you’re tired of all the tangles & strings. conditions. ideals. ideas. promises. dem&s. you’re tired. you should’ve burrowed deep into winter & come out strong. you bloomed too soon. too much. you want to let go of all the thoughts which fight for control of your heart. you want. your h&s are meaningless, empty, & coming apart against the incarnadine wash of human need. fight a little longer then.